Thursday, May 3, 2012

I'll use ridicule and embarrassment, that will teach her!

I recently read the article about the mom who wanted to punish her daughter for talking back to her and was confused about what exactly she wanted her daughter to learn.

My first thought was that she wanted to teach her daughter to manage her anger so that she would speak to her with the respect that she is due. I also assumed that she wanted her daughter to understand what respect looked like so that they could have a relationship that was loving and nurturing which would leave the door open for opportunities to teach.

I soon found that my assumption was in error:

"Denise Abbott says her daughter Ava mouthed off, so she changed her daughter’s profile picture. It shows a picture of her daughter with an “x” over her mouth and reads, “I don’t know how to keep my mouth shut.” It also encourages people to ask why she is being punished.
“We decided to do something that I know would totally impact her and that the next time she started that, she’d think, ‘I don’t want my face all over Facebook again with a red ‘x’ over my mouth,” explained Abbott."

Did Ava have respect or conflict resolution modeled for her so that she knows how to handle her anger and disagreements with her mother in the future? No, she learned revenge so she will probably repeat the behavior but just be more sneaky about it next time. That will probably keep her from getting a red 'x' over her mouth on Facebook. So...I guess Ava's mother was successful.

Respect is not forced, it's learned. And the impact of modeling respect is much greater when a parent is faced with disrespect

1 comment:

  1. Thank you for raising this topic, Teresa. I couldn't agree more. The only things this child could learn from this experience is shame, how to be vengeful, disrespectful and reactionary. Not to mention: "I can't trust my mother" how sad.